This is how personal technology should be.
As I start to write this we’re approaching the end of the school summer holidays in the UK. Six fun filled weeks with the kids playing games, taking day trips and trying to keep them entertained. When I’m working they go through a routine of watching television, playing on the Nintendo, arguing, playing on tablets and playing with their toys. When they are fed up of doing that they like to draw and read, but the reading seems to have taken a back seat this holiday.
My children have a vivid imagination and given the opportunity will spend hours drawing, writing stories and playing elaborate games together. But they often don’t give themselves the opportunity and the moment they sense boredom approaching they seek a digital device to keep them entertained. They glare at the television or tablet screen sat together in the same room but completely disconnected from one another.
When I was a kid I remember being bored a lot. You couldn’t tell a grown up you were bored though because they’d make you do household chores or tidy your room. I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s so there wasn’t as much tech to distract yourself with. I loved to draw, write stories, play with Lego or explore the local woods which I imagined was Narnia. As I got older boredom was avoided by playing on my Gameboy, listening to my walkman and pretending to organise my life on my personal organiser.
Personal technology used to provide a temporary distraction, there was always an end point like the end of a level on Super Mario or the end of an album. The devices had a single purpose and when you were finished they were switched off.
When I bought my first iPhone in 2008, I used it for phone calls, listening to music, getting online and taking snaps using the camera. The device fit nicely in the hand and was comfortable to use. Fifteen years later the phone barely fits in my hand and I use it to check and send emails, listen to music and podcasts, manage my finances, manage my energy usage, monitor my exercise and fitness, follow my sports teams, check the news, check the weather, order groceries, chat with colleagues on Teams, message friends and family, communicate with my children's school, take important photos and videos, use it for navigation I and occasionally make phone calls. It almost never gets switched off.
Choosing not to have a smartphone today is akin to going off-grid. I’ve been trying to control my use for over five years but it’s getting more complicated with the increasing amount of things I need it for. I’ve always felt guilty about using my phone in front of my children, regardless of what I’m doing, and I desperately don’t want to be the dad whose kids ask “why are you always on your phone”. When I do use it in front of them I find myself making excuses like “I’m just doing this” or “I’m just checking that” or “I just have to do this important thing for work” when really I might be looking at a video of a gorilla farting on Instagram. 2016 and 2017 was a turning point for me. There was a lot happening in the news and I got stuck in a cycle of doom scrolling, looking for the next thing to make me angry. I was deeply concerned about how this device and the things it gave me access to were affecting my mood, my sleep and most importantly my relationship with my wife and very young children. I realised that I had to make a change.
First off I deleted myself from Facebook and Twitter. I kept my Instagram account as at the time I worked as a photographer so felt it was necessary, but I hated the app and the amount of my time it demanded. Next I wanted to focus on reducing my screen time so, partly out of nostalgia and partly out of desperation, I bought a Nokia 3310. Sadly the sim card slot was bigger than that of my iPhone so I couldn’t switch my sim between the two devices. My solution was to setup a pay as you go number to forward my calls to. Initially this gave me the relief I needed but as time went on the frustration grew. The call quality was noticeably worse than my 4g smartphone and I couldn’t receive text or WhatsApp messages so I was still having to check my iPhone. I got tired of topping up the sim after making calls and started to carry the 2 phones around with me. Eventually I gave up and went back to just using my iPhone.
In 2018 I was still seeking a solution and when Punkt. announced the new MP02, I pre-ordered one and started think about living in the world without a smartphone. When the phone arrived, I turned off my iPhone, pulled out the sim and popped it straight it to the MP02. I was free.
This freedom lasted for about a week. There were messages I was missing because they were iMessages, there were delays in responding to work emails and the early version of the MP02 had some software glitches. I reluctantly put the sim back into my iPhone and realised that I needed to put more thought into how I can make it work. Over the next year or so, my sim switched between the 2 phones and I used the MP02 primarily to take digital detoxes when my screen time was getting out of control. During the Covid-19 lockdowns it was a lifeline.
I have spent a lot of time trying to organise my phone, deleting all games, apps that I don’t need or that cause distraction and turning off notifications. But as time has gone on my smartphone is required for more and more aspects of daily life and there are too many reasons to pick it up.
Back to today, and it’s become apparent that I too have developed a new habit over this six week holiday. I wake up, make myself a coffee and check the news and email on my iPhone. Then I make another coffee and start working my way through the New York Times sudokus. I had to stop doing Wordle a while ago as it was becoming a problem. Around this time my son comes downstairs for a cuddle. He asks to put on Netflix and I continue with my puzzles. He likes doing this, not just for the cuddle but because he gets to decide what goes on the television before his older sister wakes up and steals the remote control. When I’ve finished my puzzles I wake up my daughter (if she’s not up), make their breakfast and get ready for work. I work from home so I don’t have far to go.
At the weekend the habit continues, but instead of getting ready for work I start mindlessly navigating websites and apps. I find myself looking for something I never seem to find, going through a nonsense cycle - checking emails, news, local news, email again in case something just came in, googling a random thought, going down a wikipedia wormhole, then snapping out of it 20 minutes later forgetting why I picked up the phone in the first place.
I don’t feel in control of my smartphone usage right now. I need a digital detox.
I’m going to commit to not using my smartphone for the next 3 weekends. The idea doesn’t frighten me, I’ve done it before, but this time I will pay attention to the way it affects my relationships. I want to see how my children react when I say yes to something rather than “in a minute”. I want to sit and have a conversation and cup of tea with my wife after the kids go to bed instead of staring at our phones wiped out.
I will turn my iPhone off at 9pm on the Friday and switch it back on at 9am the following Monday. I’ll also avoid using my Apple Watch, tablet or laptop. Instead I’ll only use the Punkt. MP02. In preparation I’ve told my close family that I won’t be able to access WhatsApp so they’ll need to text me instead.
Weekend 1
Saturday
I woke up at 7:30am without an alarm. My children were already awake and are downstairs watching Netflix. I make an espresso and sit down with them and watch something mildly educational about a magic school bus. My son quickly gets bored and asks if I want to play dinosaur bingo to which I say yes. I lose. We play another game including my daughter this time and again I lose. I go and make their breakfast and when I come back in the room they’re still playing and paying no attention to the television. When they’ve eaten I suggest they go and get dressed, which they do without protest (for a change) and I go to do my morning stretches.
I usually have my phone with me to help with my stretch routine as I ‘can’t remember’ without it, but after working through the first 4 my body seems to remember the rest. When I’m done, instead of sitting on the bed for 5 minutes and checking the news for the 3rd time, I get up and have a shower. The rest of the morning is spent getting chores done and amazingly, by the early afternoon, the house has stopped looking like we’ve been burgled.
Later in the day we go for a walk in the park next to our house before heading home for dinner. We always eat together at the table anyway but sometimes digital devices join us. For this weekend there’s a total ban and my daughter goes around the table asking everyone how their day has been.
Sunday
I start the day with a 5k run. I’m a reluctant runner but I’m training for a competition I’ve entered with work in October and need to work on my pace. I usually wear my Apple Watch to track the run and play music but today I go without. The route takes me down a beach path on the Northumberland coast and it’s a beautiful day.
When I get home the kids are glued to their tablets. I say how nice a day it’s going to be and we set our sights on going down the beach for a long walk. With the promise of an ice-cream they quickly get dressed and we set out for the day. After saying hello to some friendly dogs we walk a little further and find the war-time coastal defences, now a museum, are open. Despite living here for 8 years we’ve never visited so we decide to take a look around. Afterwards we go for a paddle in the sea. With the kids happy and covered in chocolate gelato, we head home for dinner. I ask Alexa how my football team has done and she tells me they’ve lost.
Weekend 2
Saturday
After returning from the gym I find the kids on their tablets again. Netflix is also on but nobody is watching it. Maybe it’s because I’m detoxing but it’s become more noticeable how much time everyone else in the house is spending on a device. I have to take the tablets off them to break them out of their trance and ask them to get dressed. There’s no interest in dinosaur bingo today.
At the weekend I usually order groceries via a supermarket app and drive up to collect at a time I’ve booked. I hate shopping like this but it’s convenient and saves time. Lacking the smartphone I have to do the big shop in person and my daughter excitedly says she wants to join me. As we work our way round the aisles, we talk about what she’d like to eat that week (burgers, pizza, hot dogs) and I explain why she can’t just eat the food she likes. We quickly come up with a plan of what we’d all like to eat and she helps me find the ingredients, via the Lego and toys.
After lunch I decide to attack the pile of ironing I’ve been avoiding for the past week. I iron whilst watching the television, my wife is on her phone on the sofa and our children are on their tablets playing games. We are all in the same room but completed disconnected. I’m enjoying the digital detox but starting to think that without everyone else being involved, it’s only for my benefit.
Sunday
I wake up crippled (slight exaggeration) and unable to move, my muscles stiff from yesterdays gym session. I decide to skip my run for the first time in 9 weeks. I’m a bit frustrated but it doesn’t have the same impact as it would if I was tracking my run on my watch and seeing a big gap where today should have been.
After stretching, I edge my way downstairs to find the children are already up and watching Netflix. They’ll be going to visit their grandparents today so I let them off. While they are out I catch up on the household chores and start making a lasagne (everyones favourite) for dinner. Cooking is one of my favourite things to do and is an easy way to distract myself for a few hours.
When the kids return I show them how to make a béchamel sauce and they help me to construct the lasagne whilst eating most of the cheese.
Weekend 3
Saturday
Following my experience over the last two weekends, this week I propose a digital detox for the whole family. Two whole days offline with no Netflix, tablets or smartphones for anyone.
After the kids stop crying, I propose some ideas for what we can do instead and that seems to calm them down. First up, swimming. I’ve tried to get into a routine of taking them swimming every weekend but haven’t managed it yet. Maybe this will be the start.
My daughter is still learning how to swim so I spend some time with her reminding her that she can float and that she has to kick if she wants to go anywhere. My son spends his time splashing around with my wife. Afterwards, we go to the bakers to get a sweet treat and they both agree we should do this every week.
After lunch their Grandad arrives with more sweet treats and his dog who they’ve not seen in a couple of weeks. He announces he’s bought them scatch, quoits and a swing ball set which they’re very excited about.
Next on the list is building stuff with Lego. They LOVE Lego but it’s rare I take the time to build with them unless it’s a complicated kit. They like the kits but prefer breaking them up and using their imagination to build something new like cars, planes, castles and robots. I loved Lego when I was a kid and I forgot how lost in the moment you can get when building. It turns out I’m not very good without instructions anymore but perhaps this is something I need to work on.
Sunday
I wake up early to go for my run and decide to take some music this time using the Mighty Vibe mp3 player I bought for when I need to take a break. Sadly I forgot that I’d loaded it with Taylor Swift songs for my daughter so I abandon that plan. It’s a bit colder today and wet but I force myself to complete the 5k.
When I get home the kids are on playing a game on a tablets, which I’m not happy about but at least they’re playing the same game together. After they get dressed I take them round to see their Grandad so I can use his washing machine. Our washing machine decided to blow up mid spin yesterday and I need to finish the weekends laundry.
At their grandads they play chess, which he’s teaching them, then have a go at swing ball before settling down to watch a Christmas film on Netflix. In September. I join them for the last half an hour and we cuddle together on the sofa.
Back at home, my wife switches on her iPhone for the first time this weekend so we can choose a new washing machine. It’s not a great way to end the detox challenge, but at least the purpose was intentional and necessary.
Having completed the challenge I have a lot to think about. I didn’t really miss my iPhone during the break and didn’t put my sim card back in until the Tuesday or Wednesday each week. When you intentionally stop using it you realise that you don’t need it for most things and you can just get your news and music from other sources such as the radio or smart speakers. Emails are not urgent and news doesn’t have to be breaking. Picking up a smartphone without purpose is just a habit that can be broken. I think one of the reasons I fell back into bad habits with my smartphone is that my dog died in April and I lost my daily routine as well as my best friend. I’ve used sudoku to replace our morning walk.
Not having a smartphone was’t the challenge for me, but the focus on intimacy gave me a lot more to consider. Rather than focusing on just giving myself a break, my thoughts were about how being ‘available’ impacted those around me. We all fall into bad habits when we stop focusing on what we’d like to do, but by positively leading our loved ones by doing things together we can start to break the desire to reach for a screen.
From my report it sounds like my children use their tablets a lot, but the truth is they go through phases with them. They might not touch them for months but will suddenly decide to play a game and then become madly obsessed for a couple of weeks. It just happened to coincide with this challenge. Other times all they want to do is play with their Lego. They often ask me to play, which I do, but I always follow with “just for a bit as I have a lot to do”. There is a real power in just saying “yes” and allowing yourself that time to play and be fully present. Playing with Lego gave me such insight into my children’s creativity and imagination and made me realise that I have started to lose mine. I need to play more.
A constant in their lives I’d like to do something about though is Netflix. They are hooked, dazzled by choice and the autoplay function doesn’t give them a chance to stop. It’s mindless. During this challenge I realised that we use Netflix to pacify the children while getting on with other things. We get frustrated with them for watching it but don’t provide an alternative. This is something I am going to change.
Even though I spent more time engaged with my children over these weekends I also achieved a lot more. Jobs around the house were getting done in a couple of hours rather than a whole day and I completed a number of tasks I’d been putting off for months. Not stopping to check the news or football or email every half hour makes a huge difference.
We pacify ourselves with smartphones instead of connecting with the world around us. It’s affecting our relationships, our mental health and our attention. We are losing the ability to deal with anxiety and depression as it’s easier to distract ourselves and give our brains a cheap dopamine hit. We are being led into a future where it’s expected that we all have a smartphone and everything we do will require an app. Technology is leading us rather than the other way round. We should be designing ourselves a better future that helps focus our minds on the present and the people we are with rather than trying to create a virtual community that only exists for the benefit of the companies that create it.
Going forward I intend to continue switching off my iPhone at the weekend and continue to build new habits for my family before my children have their own smartphones, and see what impact it has over a longer period. I haven’t provided any account of using the MP02 during these weekends as this isn’t a review of the phone. The only thing I will say is that it’s a beautifully designed device that brilliantly does the job it’s built to do and nothing more. This is how personal technology should be.
James Bryne